


Making My Way Back To You

by jdmusiclover



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance, Season/Series 05 Speculation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-08
Updated: 2015-11-08
Packaged: 2018-04-30 13:23:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5165369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jdmusiclover/pseuds/jdmusiclover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Emma sits alone at her table one endless night, she remembers a happy moment with Killian...and wonders if they can ever recapture that joy. Spoilers for 5x7 (based on the 2nd sneak peek), and speculation about why Emma ends up giving into the darkness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Making My Way Back To You

Emma sat at her dining room table and let the darkness of the night cover her.  Since she’d given in, since she’d accepted the darkness into her soul, the dark of the night was a comfort, an old friend.  For a moment, for just a moment she could forget about the aching loneliness inside.

Slowly, lovingly Emma traced the edges of the sword and the dagger sitting before her on the table.  Soon, very soon she would reunite them.  Soon she would find the magic source she needed, and then her long hellish nightmare would finally be at an end.

She could have ended it then, that day so many weeks ago.  The fire of Prometheus was in her hand.  All she had to do was wield it, but she couldn’t; she _couldn’t._ The price was far too steep.  _Nothing_ was worth losing him.  Nothing was worth standing by while the man she loved beyond anything in the world was dragged to the underworld to suffer the punishment that should have been hers.  _Nothing_.  She’d have invited ten Dark Ones into her soul rather than consent to that.

_Trust me_.  He hadn’t.  He hadn’t trusted her.  She saw that clear enough while they ate lunch together on the _Jolly Roger_.  He’d looked at her with pain and anger and suspicion.  It had hurt.  Couldn’t he see that everything she did, she did for him? 

She’d _had_ to take his memories; _had_ to hide the truth from him.  If he knew, if he remembered, he would have sacrificed himself in an instant.  He would have considered it a small price to pay to save her.

But didn’t he realize that it wouldn’t matter?  Without him, she’d be lost just the same.  She’d lost everyone she’d ever cared for, but losing him would hurt worse than all the rest combined.

It was this time of night—just after twilight gave way to night—that she missed him the most.  This time of night that she remembered all the good times.  The way he smiled at her like she was the sun in his sky.  The way he kissed her, tenderly, passionately, with all the love in his heart.  The way his strong arms surrounded her, made her feel safe.  The way he flirted and teased.  The way he grinned good-naturedly when she quoted modern songs he couldn’t possibly understand.  The way he _knew_ her, _knew_ just what to say to make even her worst days brighter.

Emma closed her eyes and remembered a happier day not so long ago.  Remembered the sun shining down on them as he begged her to bring Emma home to him, as he declared his love openly for the first time.  Remembered how her heart had leapt, how she’d kissed him with a happiness so complete she would have sworn the smile would never again leave her face.

Emma reached into the neckline of her black sheath dress and pulled the chain free.  Fingering the silver ring at the end, she reverently brought it to her lips as a single tear tracked down her face.

“I’m still making my way back to you, my love.”  She slipped the ring onto her finger and held it close to her heart.  “And for the record, I would have said yes.”

_Notes:_

_-I'm sorry! I've been writing so much fluff lately the angst had to come out somewhere!_

_-This is obviously based on the 2nd 5x7 sneak peek. When I first saw it, I flailed and fangirled with the rest of you, but after further reflection, I still LOVED it...but it also seemed kind of bittersweet. I couldn't help but think about that scene juxtaposed with the 5x3 scene on the Jolly Roger. Her "do you love me" in 5x3 is even more poignant given that she remembered her moment with Killian just before she went off on her quest with Merlin._

_-My prediction is that when she and Merlin reach the spark that will reunite Excalibur, she will learn that the price of the magic is the life of her true love, and she'll absolutely refuse. That will be the reason she decides to give into the darkness._


End file.
